she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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