she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
