Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
