ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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