Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
