thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's get the cat blown out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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