I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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