imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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