I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The best revenge is premature balding
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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