First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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