Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
