After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
