he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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