Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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