someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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