So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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