the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i think my cat just said my name.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
