Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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