I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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