ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
