guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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