OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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