You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
