there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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