but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
