drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
