ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
