i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
