i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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