Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
only you would photoshop your dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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