So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
