dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
