My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
