4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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