so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
