I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
