Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
