We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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