The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
