you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
