bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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