We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
