New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did I show you my penis last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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