The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
