Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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