I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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