Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
