I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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