I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sext me about skeletons
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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