no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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