I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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