help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
