Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
