five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
