I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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