Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
