I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
