if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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