DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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