Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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