Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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