Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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