with your own penis?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
