You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
