She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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