im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
