You smell like stripper and shame
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
