Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
