it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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