i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
