my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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